A week's worth of horoscopes

This week, in a desperate attempt to save me from dying of boredom in Ottawa, I have decided to see if my daily horoscope holds any truth.

For your information I am a Cancer. In general this is the sign for wimps that pretend to be tough guys. Apparently we like making casseroles and petting puppies - roughly. Sure.

The horoscope being used in this experiment is from the back page of the free daily publication Ottawa 24hrs.

Monday March 21

Horoscope: You want to play and have a burning need to create. Don't stress on the details. Let your talent and appreciation for beauty imagine a fresh new direction. Write it down. Rating: 7/10 (Note: 10 is the easiest day / 1 the most difficult)

What really happened: After reading horoscope on the bus, decided that today was the day to start the novel I’ve been planning for over 7 years. At work decided my creative self deserved a two hour lunch break during which I bought a pair of pink, six inch heels and contemplated general shoplifting. Back at work, wore heels around office so that coworkers could openly admire my talent and appreciation for beauty. After about the twentieth trip to the photocopier, decided people in Ottawa have no taste. Applied for job in New York. Went home and ploughed through a bottle of wine.

Verdict: Unless shoes that make you look like a hooker count for “new direction”, I’d say that this horoscope was pretty much an attempt from the writers at 24hrs to stop all Cancerians from killing themselves on a Monday morning. Thanks guys.